You can play and pose with big kitty cats at Tiger Kingdom, Chiang Mai, Thailand.  (There is also one in Phuket.)  This is one of Chiang Mai’s most popular attractions.  Is it touristy?  You bet’cha.  But, hey, we ARE tourists!  Could you potentially be ripped apart by these gorgeous animals?  You bet’cha!  You better believe waivers are signed before you are allowed entrance.  I should note I did conduct some pretty in depth research and did not easily come by anything alarming.

I initially had some reservations about doing this excursion.  I mean, how are you able to get so close to tigers without them being aggressive?  You have to wonder if they being drugging?  I figured I would check it out and make my “yay” or “nay” judgment upon completion of the tour. 

On our way to Tiger Kingdom, our guide informed us that it is illegal to drug the tigers.  He believed the tigers were fed a ton of food in the morning so the tigers would be full and somewhat lethargic during the day.  He chuckled and told us to take note of how fat they all were.  He was right and I couldn’t help but wonder how many humans they had to consume to become that large. 

We arrived at lunch time & decided to eat there before checking out the tigers.  They have an a la carte menu and buffet option which includes international and Thai food (approx. $6.25/pp).  The food selection was impressive but like any buffet, there may have been a couple of gems surrounded by mainly mediocre options.  It was nice that you could view the tigers and compose your own memorial as you dined. 

Tiger Kingdom separates the tigers into different areas.  The areas and pricing for each (as of August 2014) is as follows (USD):

Smallest Tigers  -  $19.50
Small Tigers –  $16.30
Medium Tigers - $13.15
Large Tigers - $13.15

Additionally, you can hire a photographer for approximately $9.40 per area.  We did opt for this since I was having visions of being attacked by tigers & figured I may need both hands free to protect myself.  There is special packages/pricing available if you want to get a real good feel for Tiger Kingdom by visiting multiple sized tigers. 

The trainers always had us approach the tigers from behind.  As it turns out, the tigers may interpret your intention as aggressive if you approach them face to face.  You are not supposed to be or even act afraid.  Sure, easier said than done.  You have to wash the greasy hamburger smell off your hands before entering (makes sense to me).  Also, you are never to touch the tigers lightly as this will tickle them and could prompt them to “play” with you.  You better believe anytime I touched them I was putting everything I had into it.  It may have been a little too much as a couple of tigers looked back at me with questioning eyes.  Better safe than sorry; that’s my motto!

With the instructions known, we entered our first area (smallest tigers) with our photographer and the trainer and his stick.  Yes, the only thing standing between my life and my death was a thin, little stick which is used to distract the tigers if they get a little too frisky.  With the small guys, I was thinking this is a piece of cake.  However, as we made our way to the larger tigers, the greater my concern became.  I kept internally repeating the mantra “I am not afraid”.  However, there were a few instances I recall leaning on a tiger, smiling and saying “just take the picture” lowly through my teeth.

During the high season, I have been told it is not uncommon to have a two hour wait to go into the baby tiger area.  Thank goodness we were there during the low season!  We were able to zip through the different areas with no wait longer than 5-10 minutes. 

In the end, I would have to give Tiger Kingdom a “yay”.  Be aware this is purely a photo taking opportunity versus an educational tour.  The lack of information about the tigers from the trainers or within the kingdom was a disappointment but where else can you experience the thrill (and terror) of being so close to these magnificent animals?  You know what they say; YOLO!  Unless, of course, you are Hindu.  In that case YOLT (you only live twice or three times, or twelve, or whatever)!

To view more photo’s, click here.

One of the excursions I wanted to do while in Chiang Mai, Thailand was to spend a day taking care of an elephant.  I had read such stellar reviews of this and just had to experience it for myself.  As I was looking at pics on the web, I noticed most had trainers armed with sticks and attached curved, metal hooks.  Oh hell no!  I wasn’t about to spend a day having to witness elephants being prompted to do as they were told with hooked beatings!  Looking at tourists smiling atop elephants while trainers by their side wielding their little torture devises?  It made me sick. I would have loved to give those trainers a taste of their own medicine.  Additionally, several pics illustrated the bulky wooden bench seating saddled to the top of the elephant.  Exactly how comfortable could that be for the elephant?  Now, they can claim this seating and hooks do not hurt all they want; I’m not supporting it. 

It was more difficult to locate a cruelty-free elephant farm than one may think.  I finally found Patara Elephant Farm, where elephants are only commanded by spoken word and you ride the elephants bareback.  The trainers at Patara spend more time with their elephants than they do with their own families.  Talk about dedication!  Elephants are an endangered species worldwide with a 66% population decrease in Thailand between 1997 and 2004!  I admired the fact that Patara was rescuing elephants from unsuitable living conditions (circuses, illegal logging camps) & providing a positive environment for natural breeding.  In fact, they have had 18 births (no mortalities) over the past 10 years; the only elephant farm in Thailand to boast these statistics.

The Experience *Spoiler Alert (if you want to go into your adventure with the element of surprise, skip the remainder of this blog).

The adventure starts with Patara picking you up from your Chiang Mai area hotel at an ungodly hour and transporting you to their beautiful, hill top property in the jungle.  The first thing I noticed was the free roaming elephants.., everywhere.  There are no stalls or cages, elephants have complete rule.  There were also a lot of cute little babies (calf) exploring their relatively new surroundings.  They are very clumsy but undeniably adorable.  Watch out when they stumble your way, they still weigh several hundred pounds and can take you out!  Just try to reign in a smile/laugh as they lose their own footing, falling and stumbling over themselves!

After a quick ride to the training area, you will suit up in fashionable elephant training outfits and begin your course.  You are informed about and practice verbal commands, learn a little more about Patara and sign a release of liability.  You are then matched to what will be your elephant for the day.  In additional to height and weight being factored in, they also attempt to match personalities!  My sweet elephant was named ดอกทานตะวัน {Pronounced duck tan ta wan, which translates to “Sunflower”}. 

I’m not going to lie.  It’s a bit intimidating at first.  These are ginormous creatures that could crush you with one little step!  However, you are encouraged to speak frequently to your elephant while issuing the command to eat (“bon”) and feeding them.  This is the “getting to know each other” phase.  It quickly becomes much more personal when you go over “what makes a happy, healthy elephant”.  In summary, you have to ensure they are producing sweat by their toenails, flapping their ears a few times each minute, occasionally producing tears and finally, inspecting the poo.  You may be wondering what that entails.  The answer is: Everything.  You count the poo.  You smell the poo.  You break the poo apart with your bare hands to ensure their digestion and eating habits are healthy.  I thought I was going to gag but discovered there was actually no reason to fear the poo.  It smells and feels like grass/hay. 

After thorough poo analysis, it is time to clean off your elephant a bit by beating it with leaves.  It actually looks like they rather enjoy this.  It also ensures you will not be grinding in any larger particles of dirt into their skin when you mount them.  A quick rinse after that and you are ready to ride bareback on your elephant!

Admittedly, I was a little concerned about how I was going to get on top of this huge beast.  There are three primary ways to achieve this.  You can step on either their leg or tusk and the elephant will lift said appendage up so you can heave yourself up to straddle their neck.  This is where, for me, this nice little outing turned into an adventure excursion.  It reconfirmed the fact that I really don’t have any upper body strength as I failed getting on the elephant both these ways.  With arms and legs flailing, not even the trainers could help me.  Now that I was more familiar with Sunflower, I’m pretty sure I noticed her cursing me.  It was a spectacular display of embarrassment.  Oh well.., I had already signed up & paid for this little leisurely ride through the jungle & I was determined to mount this sweet girl if the trainers had to shoot me out of a canon to make it happen.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to take steps that drastic.  Sunflower laid down for me and with a couple trainers hands nearly giving me a full colonoscopy, it quickly got me in place. 

With me straddling Sunflower’s neck and receiving confirmation of a healthy colon, we were ready to go.  Again, I was thinking this would be a nice, leisurely experience.  Your opinion may change when you find yourself atop a 20’ elephant with nothing to hold onto expect the back of its head.  (Okay, I may have exaggerated Sunflower’s height, but not by much.)  At first, you are on relatively flat grounds, surrounded by lush jungle.  All too quickly, this turns into a very narrow, steep decline with dramatic drop offs on both sides.  A “trail” I probably wouldn’t dare go down on foot myself.  You just had to hold on for dear life, trust your elephant and pray to the God of your choice.  (I personally prayed to every God I could think of as well as mother earth and all her elements; you can never be too safe, right?)   We eventually got to our extraction point at the waterfall and were told to dismount our elephants.  My trainer told me to get down slowly.  Get down slowly?  What?  Sunflower actually tried to aid me in this process, but gravity just wasn’t on our side.  In yet another fabulous show of incoordination, I flew down Sunflower’s side faster than Jeff Gordon going around the track.  I ended up on the jungle ground on all fours.  Sunflower looked down upon me and shook her head in disappointment.  I’m positive the other 6 people on our tour completely got their money’s worth as far as entertainment was concerned. 

Now it was time to bathe your elephant in the murky river by the waterfall.  The water feels amazing after enduring the typical Thai humidity.  There could have been barracuda and crocs in that river, I still would have risked it; it felt that good.  The elephants loved it too considering they had just hauled butts of varying sizes around in the same conditions.  The calves just flop around with abandon while you bathe your elephant.  Continue to watch out for them, they’ll take you out in water as well.  

After some prime photo shoots, it is time for lunch.  You congregate with your group under a hut where a feast is displayed atop huge palm leaves.  There is a vegetarian option & a plethora of new, delicious foods to try.  One of my favorites was the flavored rice options, neatly tied up in a palm leaf and mangosteens.  I’m actually going to scout local Asian markets in an effort to find mangosteens here in the Midwest.  If you know where I can find them, please let me know! 

It was now time to mount our elephants again for our trek back up.  <Sigh.>  By this point, the trainers knew very well not to even try the first two methods & had sunflower lay down.  My poor Sunflower; She was such a good sport.    Before you know it, it was time to dismount.  That whole “get down slowly” didn’t work this time either, however, I improved slightly by landing on only 3 limbs instead of 4.  Sunflower winked at me, bless her heart. 

You are driven to your final destination which boasts scenic mountains and rice fields in the distance.  Part of the rate paid includes a disc of free videos of your journey and another disc full of pics.  The trainers apparently took pity upon me and edited out my mounting and dismounting bloopers.  They probably added those to their private collection to take home so their spouses could enjoy a good laugh.  I’m okay with that. 

In summary, it truly was an amazing experience & I would do it again if given the chance.  I will never hear the word elephant or see one on TV without thinking of Sunflower.  They really are smart animals.  You can actually tell when gazing into the depths of their eyes; there is so much more to them than one may think.  After spending the day with your elephant, you will have no doubt. 

Details:
A full day excursion like the one I described can last 5-8 hours.  You can share your elephant with a child or spouse for about $143 US dollars or have your own for approximately $180 (conversion at time of printing).  Wear a swimsuit with a t-shirt and long pants on top.  Make sure you have lots of sunscreen and jungle juice (insect repellent).  Sturdy sandals are probably the best footwear option.  

To view more pics of this grand adventure, follow this address:  https://www.flickr.com/photos/myfavoritetravelagent/sets/72157646134626764/

Wonder where everyone else is heading for their fall/winter 2013 vacations?  Where are the cool places to travel to this year?  Well.., wonder no more!  The statistics have been released.  Drum roll......

1. Las Vegas - Not really a surprise here huh?  Who doesn't love Vegas??  It is an adult playground for crying out loud!  What normal human being doesn't have fun at a playground?  I have flew into some pretty neat airports in my time, but I never get as excited about flying into any airport as I do McCarran Airport (LAS)!  Ahh, <sigh>.  I can smell the debauchery just thinking about it!  
   
2. Orlando - I can see that.  You have SeaWorld, LegoLand, Universal and the big, loveable mouse!  Orlando is to nice as Vegas is to naughty!
3. New York City - The big apple, the swiss cheese, our Mecca of sorts.  It puts Jay-Z in an "Empire State of Mind" and has Sinatra crooning its name over and over.  If it's good enough for Jay-Z & Sinatra, it is good enough for us!
4. Maui - One word; "Lei"
5. Honolulu - Two words; "Hula Dancing".  Now I am thinking about digging out that clam shell bikini!  lol  Just kidding!!  I am so sorry I put that vision in your head.  Come back & read the rest of the list after you've repeatedly scrubbed your eyes with brillo pads.  I'll behave to the best of my ability.  I promise.